Midlife and Not Settling

In the last couple of weeks I have been acutely aware of how these two things in particular have riled and captured my attention as a 50 something year old woman:

1.  How Saga (OAP holiday company) recently riled me!

2.  Seeing our habitual (often BS) patterns and how as we age sometimes we can get stuck and become caricatures of ourselves – but there is hope!

Firstly, on Saga.   On a recent return trip to the UK, I noticed the seemingly incessant adverts for Saga holidays being marketed specifically to 50 year olds (for those who don´t know Saga, they are stereotypically seen as organising rather dull group trips for pensioners).   Essentially the message I took away from these adverts were:

“Ok, now you are 50 take a good look at yourself.  Wouldn´t it be way easier if you just didn´t adventure anymore?  
Instead we will make life easier and simple for you – just come along on this bog-standard trip with a load of other oldies who also can´t really manage on their own anymore”.

I don´t know about you, but my adventure days and narrowing how I experience travel and life is certainly not going down this route in my 50´s and hopefully not anytime soon!  But I was actually quite shocked how the advertising gurus had shaped this message to allegedly appeal to us in midlife.   Curious to know what you think and whether any other marketing messages have riled you in midlife?

Secondly, on BS patterns and behaviours.  It can be quite painful seeing how we can become caricatures of ourselves as we mature and spotting our repeated patterns and habitual behaviours.  In my 40´s and now 50´s I am certainly noticing how older relatives become more and more exaggerated versions of themselves (usually the more challenging aspects of their personalities!).  And for myself, and many clients, I have spotted how we can also habitually react to our teenagers/older kids, husband, work or health challenges, starting something new which can lead to frustration and feeling stuck (if we are being honest with ourselves).

Although it is slowly changing, our wider society does not help us midlifers with getting unstuck with the pervasive message that:

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

That it is all downhill from 40 onwards.

And yet, what I feel for myself and so many women I work with is that we are shunning this narrative for something way more empowering. That, yes, we may have got into some patterns and set in some of our ways. Sometimes we do feel a bit uncertain and unsure about life and what´s next, but we are sure as hell not going to just settle and let everything slide from here on in.   As a friend wisely said to me just last weekend, “50 is the new 35!”

We are taking notice of what is going on.  We are ready to experiment with something different (even if we aren´t crystal clear on what that is just now) and make the most of this different chapter in our life that is full of possibilities and potential.

As Brené Brown said so eloquently:

“Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: ‘I’m not screwing around. It’s time.’”

Now is the time that we can approach life with fresh eyes, to widen our awareness to ourselves, reconnect with who we are and respond to life on our terms. With wisdom, self-trust, confidence, clarity and also open and curious to expand into what´s next.  Not having to dim our light, play small or accept that we are set in stone and life will always look a certain way. That we are in charge and will step up for what is next with courage, compassion and curiosity.

In fact, contrary to some of those disempowering messages out there, we can learn new things and have quite a few tricks up our sleeve, thank you very much. For example, having spent over 30 years living (and sometimes struggling) with anxiety, I finally feel freer and more at peace than I ever did in my 20´s, 30´s and 40´s as I embrace my uniqueness, my learning and growth.  

Midlife can be a portal, an invitation to break free of old patterns, identities and fears. I now it sounds a bit trite, but I am so grateful to walk along this path with so many incredible women who have taken and are taking those courageous steps forward to meet life in a new way, connecting and accepting themselves and reclaiming who they are.  To feel stronger, calmer, more peaceful, clear and revitalised for the next steps ahead.

Midlife may attempt to place all kinds of challenges and obstacles in our path (menopause, empty nest, caring responsibilities, to name just a few), but now can also be an incredible time to learn a new dance.

Whether you are ready to dance or are feeling uncertain or at a crossroads right now, please comment below and let me know your unique hopes and fears for this next chapter in life. And/or what marketing messages about midlife and beyond have wound you up?!

I always LOVE to hear your thoughts, questions and comments.

With love,

Emma

Photos by Joshua Harvey, Dan Gold, Olivia Bauso and Darius Bashar on Unsplash