Coming home to me as a midlife expat

The theme of home has been coming up for me a lot recently, as in what makes a home, how do you create and/or feel at home?

As a midlife expat mum, I am often asked or think about what is home? Where is home?

There is no doubt for me that home is where my immediate family are. We have a tight bond (most of the time!) which I am sure is largely due to the fact we have lived in several places in the world, without a continuous wider support network close by.

In fact, I have always referred to home as the place that we currently live, rather than where I was born or lived the longest. That has been important to me to see the here and now as home, where we have chosen to belong, settle and lay down roots. Not referring to the UK or where my wider family live as home, but where we are.

And more recently I have been thinking more about home as in a sense of belonging. Not just to the wider culture. But belonging to myself, ourselves.

Asking myself:

• Who am I?

• What do I want and why?
  
  Particularly at this midlife stage in life with its´ potential transitions and our opportunity to consciously evolve into the next chapter (see also my post on konenki – the empowered approach to menopause)

Midlife and menopause are not always easy (as our media particularly love to remind us!) but they also present us with a chance to reflect and see things a bit differently (if we choose to go there). Now I´m in in my 50´s I can see habitual patterns and habits more vividly now – particularly with wisdom and experience.

How I, and some of my clients, have chased our worthiness, validation, a sense of purpose, significance in the world.

Been in a push energy.

And how this can lead to burnout, misalignment, frustration, stagnation and feeling just off.

It can feel a mixture of emotions including daunting to feel stuck in this space. Like we are on our own, even if we know rationally that others might experience similar.

To know what we need and how we can start to more easily trust ourselves and to tune into what we really need, what questions to ask, what support to reach out to, how to move forward.

Experimenting and dabbling with some new ideas and perspectives to see what lights us up and what doesn´t, without pushing or attachment.

To take some small steps into asking ourselves some different questions.

To be patient.

Compassionate.

Just like we would with other loved ones in our life.

It is not something that can be rushed or done with AI, although we might be keen to just get there.

Especially if we are high achievers and are used to getting results.

This requires a different pace and approach.

To truly get underneath and to the root.

So we start to connect to what is really true for us and start to live more authentically connected to that place.

To feel more spaciousness.

An expansion in our mind and bodies.

All nice words I know and maybe even sounds a bit cliched. But so important.

Especially if we are fed up with feeling like we are:

• Going round in circles
• Getting the same results on repeat
• Wanting to make a difference in the world
• Aspire to use all our skills and reach our full potential
• Desire developing fulfilling relationships
• Hoping to feel more grounded and aligned.
  
  But maybe we feel like something keeps getting in our way (and it isn´t just menopause!)

Hard talk.

It is usually ourselves.

Getting in our own way.

Our thought patterns, our fears. Creating the same reality or a slightly tweaked version. Blocking what we really want.

I say this often, but I feel it is so important to remind ourselves. It does take courage to go within. To not keep putting up with the same stuff or choosing to escape our thoughts or habitual patterns with whatever substance or habit of our choosing – whether it is alcohol, overwork, scrolling, overthinking, whatever.

There is another way and it is not as hard as we make it out to be.

To reconnect to ourselves and who we are and our sense of identity.

It can feel so much lighter and powerful if we do this deep stuff together.

Slowly stripping away the shame, blame, guilt, expecations, fears to get to what truly truly matters to us.

It is deep work.

It is not always easy.

In my experience, it is way easier with someone else or in community.

And even easier if you have a map (that makes sense and you trust!)

Whether you have a trusted friend, therapist or coach that you can partner with to do this inner work with you or are looking to find someone that feels aligned; I encourage you to reach out to someone, to get out of your own way and explore this beautiful evolution into your next chapter. It will be so worth it.

If you might be curious to go deeper into who you are and what you want at this stage of life. Explore creating a map that feels right and works for you, do send me an email and we can start to have a chat – hello@emmathornelees.com

Obviously without expectations or pressure. Listening to and trusting yourself is so important in this process.

I have been there in the uncertainty, the fear, the frustration. Supported and empowered myself and many others to create clarity, connection, spaciousness and true freedom at this stage in life and beyond.

I would love to hear from you and where you are on your journey!

With love and compassion,

Emma

PS – Please feel free to share your thoughts, questions, what best support you or anything else below! I would love to have a conversation.

Images: Photo by Roberto Nickson, Tim Mossholder , Harli Marten, Felix Mittermeier on Unsplash