Overthinking and Anxiety in Midlife Women: A supportive guide to break free


Introduction:

Many midlife women find themselves overthinking—whether it’s rehashing past decisions, worrying about the future, or second-guessing their current choices or just being able to switch off and relax. Overthinking can feel like a constant mental loop that saps your energy, peace of mind and stops us from being fully present or in flow. But why do we overthink, and also importantly, how can we stop?

But first and super important and totally counterintuitive for anyone that is feeling like they are stuck or caught in overthinking, sending you lots of compassion and empathy. It is a tough place to be. It is also pretty normal at times in our lives. Giving ourselves some self-compassion is SO important, rather than judging, blaming or shaming ourselves for doing it. Layering more judgment on top often keeps us more stuck in the same cycles. So practicing self-compassion whenever we feel in pain, suffering or things are tough is really crucial.

So please try and remember that as we explore overthinking together:

What is Overthinking?

Overthinking is when we dwell excessively on a particular thought or situation, replaying it in our mind without resolution. This habit often leads to anxiety, stress, feeling stuck and can obviously affect our work, wellbeing and our relationships. Over time, it can become a barrier to enjoying the present, making decisions confidently and negatively impact our mental health.

Some common signs of overthinking include:

  • Constantly reanalysing conversations or events.
  • Worrying excessively about what could go wrong, including letting our children go.
  • Difficulty focusing on the present due to thinking about “what if” scenarios.
  • Feeling paralysed by indecision.
midlife woman anxiously waiting sitting with discomfort and overthinking

Does overthinking and anxiety increase for women in midlife?

Unfortunately, there is growing evidence that anxiety and overthinking tend to increase in midlife, particularly for women. Several factors contribute to this, including hormonal changes, life transitions, what can feel like a pivotal moment in our lives and the pressures of balancing multiple roles. Here are some relevant figures and insights which can help shine a light on what is going on for some of us:

Hormonal Changes and Anxiety in Midlife

  • Menopause and Perimenopause: Anxiety and overthinking are common symptoms during perimenopause and menopause due to fluctuating hormone levels, particularly oestrogen. Oestrogen affects the regulation of serotonin, a neurotransmitter linked to mood and anxiety.
    • Research Findings: Notably a study published in Menopause: The Journal of The North American Menopause Society reported that up to 51% of women in perimenopause experience increased anxiety, including symptoms like overthinking, compared to pre-menopausal women.

2. Midlife and Anxiety Prevalence

  • According to the American Psychological Association (APA), midlife women (ages 40–60) are among the most affected by anxiety disorders.
    • Statistics: Women are twice as likely as men to experience anxiety disorders, and rates peak during midlife. The APA reports that about 23% of women between ages 40–60 suffer from an anxiety disorder, which is significantly higher than younger women.

3. Life Transitions and Overthinking

  • Role Overload: Many women in midlife are navigating significant life changes, such as career shifts, caregiving for ageing parents, and “empty (open as I prefer) nest syndrome” as children leave home.
    • Studies indicate that juggling these responsibilities can increase stress and contribute to overthinking, with 44% of midlife women reporting higher stress levels related to these roles, according to a 2021 survey by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research.

4. Mental Health Trends in Midlife Women

  • Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Midlife women experience a notable rise in Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which often manifests as chronic overthinking and worry. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that GAD affects about 7% of midlife women in the U.S.

5. Impact of Overthinking on Sleep and Well-being

  • Overthinking can lead to insomnia, which is a common complaint among women in midlife. According to the National Sleep Foundation, 61% of menopausal women report trouble sleeping, with anxiety and excessive worry being major contributors.

6. Social Factors

  • Cultural expectations and societal pressures around ageing, appearance, and relevance can also increase overthinking and anxiety. A survey by AARP (American Association for Retired People) found that 68% of midlife women feel anxious about ageing, particularly regarding their health, finances, and societal roles.

These figures suggest that the interplay of hormonal changes, life transitions, and societal pressures can contribute to increased anxiety and overthinking in midlife women. Understanding this can help normalise our concerns and worries and develop and share our own coping strategies to support ourselves at this time.

So there is quite a bit of evidence (worldwide and not just from the US) to show how this time of life can result in more general anxiety, overthinking and general stress too, which can help us to know, BUT it can also lead to more fears and worry – but let´s not despair – we will get to the hopeful part, I promise! 

(Sidenote – There is also the very empowering approach that is embraced in Japan around midlife and seeing it as a time of renewal, growth and new changes of opportunities, with the right support/community around us – read more about konenki here).

pile of stoness foundations self trust

Why Do We Overthink?

As we have briefly touched on, there are several reasons why overthinking becomes more common in midlife:

  1. Life Transitions: Many women in midlife are navigating major changes—whether it’s children leaving home, parents ageing, career and/or relationship shifts, or our own ageing concerns. These transitions can lead to uncertainty, which often fuels overthinking.
  2. Perfectionism and Control: Women who have spent years balancing various roles may feel an urge to “get everything right.” Overthinking can arise from a desire to control outcomes or make perfect decisions.
  3. Fear of Failure or Regret: By midlife, we may feel more aware of your past decisions and potential future ones. Fear of making a wrong choice can lead to overanalysing every situation, in the hope of avoiding regret later on.
  4. Increased Mental Load: Balancing relationships, career, health, and personal aspirations can create a sense of overwhelm, making it easier to spiral into overthinking.
  5. Recognising patterns and habits: Midlife can be a natural point of reflection when we look back and forward and in looking back we may see more habitual patterns or habits showing up in our relationships, work, health, for example.  These can lead to overthinking and stuckness, particularly if we are trying to ´get to the bottom of it´ and/or felt that we had previously ´dealt with´ a previous pattern or habit.
overthinking crossroads midlife women anxiety

The Impact of Overthinking

While overthinking might seem like a way to “solve” problems or prepare for future challenges, it often leads to:

  • Decision Fatigue: Constantly thinking things over can make it harder to take decisive action.   Thinking about a solution is often not the answer.
  • Decreased Mental Health: Overthinking is linked to anxiety, depression, disrupted sleep and chronic stress.
  • Lost Time and Energy: When our mind is always preoccupied, it’s harder to enjoy the present moment.
  • Challenges in relationships: Not being fully present and feeling under stress or stuck in indecision can lead to a lot of frustration which can come out sideways in our relationships with both ourselves and those closest to us.
  • Making unsupportive choices/escapism: To escape our busy, and often punishing minds, we may find ourselves mindlessly reaching for alcohol, food, endless scrolling, shopping, whatever. I have certainly used both food and alcohol in the past (without realising it) to numb and disconnect from my mind and feel I was giving myself some comfort and peace. However, this can often lead to creating more problems for ourselves, particularly if we develop dependencies, which can be hard to admit for ourselves and therefore harder to break free from. But it is possible, we can create peace and flow in our lives, without having to reach for things that don´t support us.
  • Leading disconnected lives: spending  a lot of time in our heads and thinking about things, keeps us more disconnected from not only our lives, but also who we really are.   This can take a lot of joy out of even the simplest of moments, when we are not connected to ourselves and not enjoying the many pleasures of being alive. Ultimately this can result in mental health issues with depression and anxiety as we push down/away emotions and are not connected to who we are, what we want and our lives.
choice green light between red overthinking midlife women choices crossroads anxiety

How to Overcome Overthinking

Fortunately, there are ways to break free from the cycle of overthinking and reclaim your peace of mind.   I am full testament to that, having previously spent a lot of my life in my head (and even more so in midlife)!  Below are some ideas below to experiment with and/or there is also my latest programme, Empowered Positive Intelligence really gets to the core to get to the root of our overthinking and create calm, connection and clarity.

1. Recognize When You’re Overthinking

The first step is self-awareness. When we catch ourselves replaying a situation or ruminating on a decision, acknowledge it. We can say to ourselves, “I’m overthinking this,” or label the thought/pattern (even better if you can give it a name), recognise that it’s not productive and release it.  That you are feeding yourself a lie that thinking will solve it.  

solve problem same mind overthinking midlife einstein

2. Practice Mindfulness or other techniques to Stay Present

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for calming an overactive mind. Practices like deep breathing, meditation, yoga or simply focusing on your immediate surroundings can bring you back to the present moment and stop the overthinking cycle, particularly when done throughout the day, even for just a few minutes.  Even when we feel we may have tried some of these and felt like ´I couldn´t do xxxx correctly´ or ´xxxx wasn´t for me´ it is worth exploring other techniques to be more present in our bodies than in our minds.  This not only creates more connection to ourselves and more presence, it will make us more grounded, centred and rooted in self-trust (which can also be lacking in overthinkers), with time, patience and self-compassion, to make more aligned and connected decisions.

4. Play with ´Negative´ Thoughts

Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” or “Is this worry realistic?” Often, overthinking is driven by fear of unlikely scenarios. By playing with or challenging those fears, you can put things in perspective and be in a more ´positive´, open and solution focused frame of mind than being in ´negative´, stuck emotions.

It is also worth exploring what recurrent patterns or saboteurs show up in our lives that can keep us feeling stuck in ´negative´ thoughts or emotions. If you would like to do your own personal saboteur assessment (it is free) to see what patterns show up for you, please email me at hello@emmathornelees.com

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Harvard brain scientist explains: “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”

Basically our ongoing thoughts (usually unhelpful) keep us in that emotional state.

FYI – I have placed negative in quotations above as all emotions are important to be seen and felt should not be avoided or stuffed down.   All emotions alert us to what we need to act on.  But it is also important that we listen to them and don’t just sit in them.

5. Leaning into our truest wisest selves: When we can see we are overthinking, stuck or we make an aligned decision/take aligned action or don’t repeat a habitual pattern that is unhelpful to us – this is most likely to be when we are in our truest, wisest or best version of ourselves.  When we are what you could call our highest or evolved self, but I think it is who we really are, our essence our core. The one that is truly present, calm, connected and can see what is really happening for us.  The one that is pure awareness, connected, in flow.

Can you remember a time when you felt completely in that place?  

We can grow that muscle to live more in that space, connected to that core and a lot less in our heads, in self-sabotage and ´negative´thinking and emotions. This is by connecting to our bodies our sensations throughout the day and visualising different ways of respond to previous difficult situations or hijackings. Sound a bit complicated and implausible?  I thought so too, but here I am feeling more connected to this part of me as each day goes by which is truly empowering and freeing (you can read more about it here). 

6. Break Tasks Into Small Steps

Overthinking sometimes stems from feeling overwhelmed by a big decision, challenge or options. Instead we can break large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on what we can do today, one tiny small step in just a few minutes even, rather than trying to solve or do everything at once. Celebrate that one thing and then ask ourselves what is the one next small step?

7. Talk it Out

Sometimes, simply talking through your concerns with a trusted friend, therapist or coach can help break the cycle of overthinking. They can offer a fresh perspective and help us see solutions we might be missing, especially when we are stuck in our thoughts and recurrent patterns.

8. Write It Out

Journalling can be a great way to externalise our thoughts. By writing them down, we can gain clarity and perspective, often realising that our worries aren’t as terrible as they first seem, that we can find solutions and separating ourselves a bit from our thoughts too.  If journaling is something  you have tried, but didn’t feel helpful for you, you could also experiment with recording voice notes which can be another way to externalise what we are feeling and hearing ourselves speak it out loud or even listening back can give us new awareness and create and strengthen that space between our thoughts and our true selves.

two women hugging and comforting each other by a lake

9. Let Go of Perfectionism

One of the underlying causes of overthinking is the desire to make perfect decisions. Embrace the idea that “good enough” is often the best approach. Perfection is an illusion that can keep you stuck.  Allowing ourselves to be imperfect can be very liberating.

10. Engage in Creative or Physical Activities

Get out of living just in our minds by immersing yourself in a creative or physical activity. Whether it’s painting, gardening, reading, yoga, or walking, these activities can shift your focus away from our thoughts and help clear our mind, but are more impactful when done along with regular mindfulness practices too. Things like cold showers, ice baths, cold water swimming are also great to keep us out of our heads and more in the moment and our bodies.

11. Reduce/eliminate stimulants

It might be obvious, but it can also be overlooked, reducing/eliminating caffeine can also significantly help us feel more calm, sleep better (and help avoid not getting to sleep, waking in the night and then the mind starts whirring away). The same can be said of ´excessive´ alcohol which can affect our sleep and also impact our minds and bodies, especially the day/s after resulting in recriminations, shame, guilt, blame and generally being in our heads.

12. Limit Information Intake

Overthinking can also be fueled by information overload. Trying to limit the amount of news, social media, or research we consume, can be really helpful, particularly if it leads to more anxiety.  I find this especially supportive rule as part of the morning and evening routine when we can be more vulnerable at these liminal times.  Spending these times away from phones, technology, inputs and connecting to ourselves and going inwards, but not in our heads, can be really beneficial to connect to us, build self-trust (which as I mention earlier is often lacking when we overthink) and not get caught up in lots of external stuff and caught up in other people´s agenda and things out of our control. Which leads us nicely to:

12. Focus on What We Can Control

Shifting our focus to things that are within our control, rather than getting stuck on things we can’t change. This can help us feel more empowered and less consumed by hypothetical situations. For example, the graphic below:

control mindfulness midlife women overthinking

Overthinking can be exhausting and counterproductive, especially when it keeps us stuck in loops of anxiety and indecision. This can also be exacerbated in midlife.  It can also impact not only our own wellbeing and mental health, but also our closest relationships and impact and performance at work.  It can sometimes feel all encompassing and almost overwhelming at times, particularly if it goes unchecked.

By consistently practising these strategies, particularly in spending more time in our bodies, we can begin to quieten our mind, our saboteurs and focus on what truly matters.

Overthinking doesn’t have to control our lives, even if we feel we have done it for much of our lives or it feels all consuming at times. . By recognising the pattern, practising mindfulness tools and techniques that work for us, and taking proactive steps to develop our sage calm part of our brain, we can find clarity and peace, making room for what truly matters.

Want to find out more about breaking free?

Find out more about Empowered Positive Intelligence to break free from self-sabotage and unhelpful patterns and create calm, connection and clarity starting 2nd November 2024.

women free from overthinking and at peace

I would LOVE to hear from you, do you feel that overthinking impacts your life and has it changed at all in midlife? What strategies have you found effective for you or would you like to explore more? Please do share below in the comments with any thoughts, feedback or questions at all.

Thanks for reading and do reach out if you would like to book in for a chat with me to see how we might best work together, including the Empowered Positive Intelligence programme.

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