Right now, many of us British parents are waiting for our kids´ exam results.
Whether it is for A Levels (at 18 to go to uni/college) or GCSE´s (16 to continue onto A Levels or other higher education) it feels like quite a lot is riding on it (granted more on the A Levels than the GCSEs).
As a highly sensitive empath. I can sense the anticipation, feel the discomfort, the nerves. All of it.
It brings back so many memories as I waited for my own A Level results many moons ago as I called up to get mine.
It was a stressful time. The endless waiting and then the moment arrived. I felt disappointed by my results, but not crushed.
I knew others that felt just that. And, of course, others that were overjoyed.
It was hard to sit with all of it, before, during, after.
I imagine it is even harder these days. What with all the pressure and high expectations from universities, us parents, perceived excellence all around us, especially when it feels like it is shared constantly on social media.
How can we sit with all this?
How can we best support our ´kids´?
I am reminded of the quote by Robert Frost:
¨The best way out is through.¨
From my experience, the only way we can get through tough times, any times, is to acknowledge how we feel, to sit with it, for however long we can. Instead of pushing our emotions, feelings away, numbing them, pretending they aren´t there and going onto the next thing, staying busy. Acknowledge the fear, worry, disappointment, excitement, joy.
And, this is the most important part, give ourselves buckets of self-compassion. Not easy.
Especially as it is so rarely modelled for us.
Treat ourselves how we would like to be treated, to have our thoughts, feelings, emotions acknowledged. Seen, heard, felt and comforted – just as we would comfort others.
Having been both curious and compassionate, the emotions are far more likely to pass through us. We can then move forward with what we want or need to do next, with more strength and courage (rather than a fearful or knee-jerk response), whilst still remaining connected to our true selves.
And what if the results are not as good as we hoped for, expected? That they don´t get the grades for the university of their dreams? Their first or even second choice?
What then?
We have to take care of our thoughts and feelings and make space for them.
AND also make space for theirs too. To let them feel whatever they are feeling, giving them compassion, hugs, love.
Just like we wish someone had did for us as a child, teen, adult.
Remembering that our beloved kids are so much more than a letter, an exam grade.
Remembering that we are so much more than our kids´ results.
Yes, there will be a lot of talk, comparisons, endless chatting and planning tomorrow and the coming days about colleges, unis, year outs, etc etc.
What really matters is our relationships.
With ourselves.
With our kids.
We are all so much more than a letter or a number.
Than a number on a scale.
May we all remind ourselves of that.
Right now, may we all give ourselves the grace, the compassion, the space to feel whatever we feel today, tomorrow and the coming days and weeks.
To be with it as much as we can. To get support when we need it.
To be there for ourselves, for each other.
To sit with it all. The good, the indifferent, the hard.
With love.
After all, at the end of it all, what else is there?
Other posts that might be helpful:
The Journey to Self-Discovery: Why It Matters for Midlife Women and Mums – Emma Thorne Lees
Nurture Yourself: A Guide to Midlife Self Care for Busy Mums – Emma Thorne Lees
The Power of Self-Care: 6 Benefits for Midlife Mums – Emma Thorne Lees
How are you doing sitting with it all? What is coming up for you? What thoughts, feelings, highs and lows are you and your child experiencing right now? I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, questions below.
Like a fresh start? To break free from overwhelm, feeling stuck and uncertain? If you would like to join my FREE Revive and Thrive Reboot (23-27 September 2024) and Facebook community for other amazing midlife women, like you, please click here. If you´d rather not be on Facebook – please sign up here.
Thank you for reading.
Take good care,
Images: Spencer Backman, NordWood Themes and Anastasia Pivnenko from Unsplash