Konenki: Menopause as a Threshold, Not a Decline

Menopause and perimenopause are often framed in Western culture as something to fix, fight or simply endure. Hormones decline. Energy dips. Tolerance lowers. We’re told to brace ourselves.

But in Japanese culture there’s a different word: Konenki.

Konenki doesn’t translate to “problem.” It means renewal years – a natural phase of reorientation. A threshold.

Not a downhill slope.
A doorway.

In this understanding, menopause isn’t about loss. It’s about energy shifting from outward to inward.

From doing, proving and pleasing…
To meaning, truth and alignment.

It’s the moment when what used to work quietly stops working. The coping strategies. The pace. The people-pleasing. The tolerance for noise – internal and external.

Western culture often treats midlife as decline – loss of fertility, empty nests, fading beauty, changing health.

Konenki treats it as a rebirth (see the full low down here).

And the question subtly changes from:

Who do I need to be for everyone else?

to

Who am I now — and what actually matters to me?

That shift alone tends to calm nervous systems.

Because suddenly this isn’t a crisis.
It’s a crossing point.

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Menopause, Midlife and Shifting Values

Clarity in midlife doesn’t start with goals. It starts with values.

During perimenopause and menopause, your brain is literally rewiring. Your nervous system is more sensitive. Your tolerance is lower – not because you’re failing, but because you’re changing.

What motivated you at 30 may feel hollow at 50.

Approval. Productivity. Security. Achievement.

They may have driven you for decades.

Now something quieter may be asking for space:

Peace. Freedom. Honesty. Creativity. Simplicity.

Burnout in your 30s might have felt manageable – push through, recover, repeat.

Burnout in your 40s or 50s feels different. The margin is smaller. The cost is higher.

Often burnout isn’t about doing too much.

It’s about doing too much of what no longer matters.

The discomfort many women feel in midlife isn’t random. It’s often the friction between old values and a new internal landscape.

When you begin living from updated values, self-trust grows. Not the loud, motivational kind – the grounded kind.

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Limiting Beliefs in Midlife: Old Strategies, New Costs

Midlife also shines a spotlight on patterns.

Not because you’re broken.
Because awareness is rising.

Many women are still running on protective strategies formed years ago:

• The Pusher – “Just get on with it.”
• The Pleaser – “Don’t rock the boat.”
• The Critic – “You should be coping better.”
• The High Achiever – proving worth externally (always been a big one for me!)
• The Hypervigilant one – always scanning for what might go wrong.

Common midlife thoughts often sound like:

• “If I slow down, everything will fall apart.”
• “It’s too late to change.”
• “I should be grateful – I shouldn’t want more.”
• “If I don’t do it, who will?”

These beliefs aren’t character flaws.

They were strategies. They helped you survive earlier chapters.

They’re just over-employed now – like a smoke alarm going off when you make toast.

Midlife can expose the cost of these patterns. Not to punish you. To invite choice.

If you allow it, this stage of life offers renewal. Not by trying harder – but by noticing what’s no longer aligned and starting to make changes.

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When Change Feels Awkward

Have you noticed when you try to tweak something or even overhaul an area of your life, you can meet resistance, fear, worry.

Thoughts like “this is too much”, ” I can´t do this”, “you will never change”.

That inner critic tends to get LOUD during identity shifts. Especially in transitional moments like perimenopause or major life changes.

Awareness isn’t about fixing yourself.

It’s about noticing what shows up when you stop running on autopilot.

And meeting it with curiosity instead of judgement.

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Identity → Behaviour → Habits

Most women try to change habits with willpower.

But real change happens differently.

It starts with identity.

Old identities might sound like:

• “I’m the one who copes.”
• “I’m the reliable one.”
• “I don’t need much.”

In midlife, new identities begin to emerge:

• “I listen to my body.”
• “I choose what’s sustainable.”
• “My needs matter.”

When identity shifts, behaviour follows.

Identity → Behaviour → Habits → Self-concept.

When who you believe you are changes, what you tolerate changes. What you repeat changes. What you normalise changes.

You don’t need more discipline.

You need alignment.

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A Crossroads in Midlife

Midlife often feels like standing at a signpost.

One road: keep overriding yourself. Push. Please. Cope.

The other: begin listening differently. Even if you don’t yet know where it leads.

Midlife/menopause/perimenopause isn’t asking you to try harder.

It’s asking you to listen more honestly.

So perhaps the only question worth carrying forward is:

Who am I becoming – and what would support her?

If you’re navigating perimenopause, menopause or another transitional season and feel untethered, you’re not broken.

You’re at a threshold.

I work one-to-one with women in midlife who are ready to stop running on old scripts and start living from clarity, peace and freedom.

Konenki isn’t a decline.

It’s an invitation to come home to yourself.

And you don’t have to cross it alone.

Please share your thoughts, questions, comments below, I always LOVE to hear from you.

If you would like to have a chat to explore what support would be most meaningful to you right now – please send me an email at hello@emmathornelees.com I am also holding a workshop in person (Benalmadena/Malaga area) and online – Empowering ourselves in Midlife in March 2026 please do get in touch for more information.

With love,

Emma