The Expat In-Between No One Prepares You For

No one really talks about this part of living abroad.

You picture the move/this stage of life – the light, the space, the lifestyle. The version of you who feels more free, more alive. And in many ways, that is what you create. A life that looks good. A life you chose.

But somewhere along the way, something shifts.

It can happen in month 1, year 2, 9 or move 1, 3. Even some or all of them.

Not dramatically. Not in a way you can easily explain. Just a quiet sense that you’re not fully there in your own life. Or even that you are there, but so much stuff is coming up for you, that you never really knew was bubbling under the surface.

You’re doing all the right things. Holding it together. Building routines. Managing logistics. Being who you need to be for everyone around you.

And yet…

You can feel slightly outside of it all.

Not unhappy. But not fully settled either.

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What often gets lost in the ´living abroad dream´ is this:

You didn’t just change location.
You lost your anchors.

The people who knew you deeply without explanation.
The rhythms that grounded you.
The version of you that felt certain, familiar, rooted.

And no one really prepares you for how disorienting that can feel.

Because technically… everything is fine.

Which makes it harder to name.

Harder to talk about.

Harder to admit, even to yourself.

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I hear this so often, and I’ve felt it too:

“I should feel happier.”
“Why does everything feel a bit off?”
“Is it just me?”

It’s not just you.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re in that in-between space where your outer world has changed… and your inner world is trying to catch up.

And that space can feel uncomfortable.

Floaty. Unsettling. A bit like you’ve lost your footing.

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Sometimes it shows up as overthinking.
Sometimes as restlessness you can’t quite explain.
Sometimes as a quiet question in the background:

“Is this it?”

And then just as quickly, you brush it away. Because your life is good. Because you chose this. Because you should feel grateful.

But here’s the thing most women don’t realise:

You can be grateful… and still feel disconnected.
You can love your life… and still feel like something’s missing.

Those things can exist at the same time.

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This isn’t you failing to adjust.

And it’s not a sign you made the wrong decision.

It’s often something much quieter… and much more important.

You’ve outgrown an old version of yourself.

The one that fit your old life.
Your old environment.
Your old roles and expectations.

And now you’re here… in a new place… with space around you.

But you haven’t quite found your way back to yourself within it yet.

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That’s the part no one talks about.

Not the logistics of moving.
Not the excitement of starting over.

But the internal recalibration that has to happen afterwards.

The moment where you realise:

“I have got everyone else settled, but I don’t quite know who I am here.”

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And this is where many women get stuck.

They try to fix it by doing more.
Pushing through.
Keeping busy.
Telling themselves to just get on with it.

But this isn’t something you solve by adding more noise.

It’s something that shifts when you create space.

Space to pause.
Space to hear yourself again.
Space to reconnect to what you actually need now – not who you used to be.

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This is also why connection matters so much in this stage.

Not surface-level chats. Not polite conversations. Which again can be hard in a new country, with new people whilst trying to make friends. And old friends may not really understand (or we feel we can´t fully share/bother them).

But we all need real moments where you can exhale a little.

Where you don’t have to explain everything.
Where someone else quietly gets it.

Sometimes that looks like walking alongside someone who understands.

Sometimes it looks like standing by the sea, saying very little, but feeling less alone.

And sometimes it looks like giving yourself the space to go a little deeper… to gently untangle what’s been sitting under the surface for a while.

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Because that in-between place you’re in?

It’s not a problem to fix.

It’s a transition.

A space where something new is trying to emerge.

More clarity.
More connection.
More of you.

Not by forcing it.

But by coming back to yourself, slowly and honestly.

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If you’re here right now – feeling a bit untethered, a bit uncertain, a bit like you’ve lost your footing – you’re not alone.

And you’re not behind.

You’re just in the middle of something.

And this part?

This is where the real shift begins.

If you are navigating midlife abroad whether your first move, in a new location or just finding yourself a bit untethered do feel free to reach out. I create in-person spaces for midlife expats (immigrants) to connect and also support people one-on-one too. Feel free to send me an email – hello@emmathornelees.com or WhatsApp +34 711005716 to chat more.

Together, we can break through the noise to uncover clarity on your next chapter.

Thanks so much for being here.

Emma